Review: Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao

Sophie Chi is in her first year at Wellesley College (despite her parents’ wishes that she attend a “real” university, rather than a liberal arts school) and has long accepted her aromantic and asexual identities. Despite knowing she’ll never fall in love, she enjoys running an Instagram account that offers relationship advice to students at Wellesley. No one except her roommate knows that she’s behind the incredibly popular “Dear Wendy” account.

When Joanna “Jo” Ephron―also a first-year student at Wellesley―created their “Sincerely Wanda” account, it wasn’t at all meant to be serious or take off like it does―not like Dear Wendy’s. But now they might have a rivalry of sorts with Dear Wendy? Oops . As if Jo’s not busy enough having existential crises over gender, the fact that she’ll never truly be loved or be enough, or her few friends finding The One and forgetting her!

While tensions are rising online, Sophie and Jo are getting closer in real life, bonding over their shared aroace identities. As their friendship develops and they work together to start a campus organization for other a-spec students, can their growing bond survive if they learn just who’s behind the Wendy and Wanda accounts?

In addition to the normal disclaimer that I received a free copy of the book, I do feel the need to disclaim (but really mostly to brag) that I do know Ann. I am a very proud person-who-exchanges-Instagram-DMs-with-her-sometimes. But I promise all the bias in my review only comes from the same places it usually does, which is just me being very opinionated.

The plot of Dear Wendy is most easily described as a platonic You’ve Got Mail. When Sophie and Jo, two freshmen at Wellesley College, create dueling love-advice accounts on Instagram (Dear Wendy and Sincerely Wanda respectively), they find themselves in an online feud, while simultaneously a friendship grows between them in real life. They meet in an intro gender studies class, and end up hitting it off when they realize they are both aroace. Soon they are making plans to do what all college students do: grabbing meals together in the dining hall and starting an organization for a-spec students. But their fledgling friendship is threatened by the secrets they keep from one another and the growing intensity of their online arguments.

One of the things that make this novel such a delight to read is that we get dual POVs from Sophie and Jo, each of who has a very distinct voice. Sophie is a type-A people-pleaser, known at Wellesley as a “Wendy,” who admits “I think Jo would get a bad impression if they learned that I was widely known for being aloof and bitchy and too much of a teacher’s pet, even if half the students at our college are also aloof, bitchy teacher’s pets.” She takes her role of advice Instagrammer very seriously, doing extensive research and crafting responses. She can’t stand when Dear Wanda is flippant, even if it probably is a joke. 

Meanwhile, Jo is a total “Wanda,” a type-B personality, who is a little more chaotic and messy. Jo is also struggling a lot with how to approach her friendships. She is really good friends with her two roommates, but is scared they will both leave her when they get partners. Jo had some really bad experiences with their friends in high school, and has some internalized aphobia which makes them feel like they will ultimately be left alone. So forging a relationship with Sophie and other a-spec students at Wellesley ends up being an incredibly important part of her growth.

Something a discerning reader of this review will have noticed is that Jo uses she/they pronouns. They are still trying to figure out what their gender is exactly, and a lot of their thoughts were something I found to be completely relatable. They are comfortable being in a majority-women environment, but also don’t quite feel that the woman label fits. I knew going in that aroace identities would be explored, but I didn’t know I would also get an added bonus of gender identity! 

Of course, a-spec identities are one of the main themes of the book. Sophie and Jo both interact with their aroace identities differently, and I think Zhao makes it really clear that these are two people’s experiences of a-spec identity, they do not represent everyone’s identity, just the two characters whose stories she set out to tell. But I think that just emphasizes how important it is to have another piece of a-spec literature out there.

And I have to say, I love how much this book focused on friendship. Friendship in college (and adulthood in general) is genuinely really hard! You say “we should grab lunch sometime” and then you never do. You mean to keep talking to those people from class after the semester ends, but school tends to get in the way. Sophie and Jo both have friends already, but they are also struggling through the experience of making friends post-orientation. It is a complicated process that I can attest took up way more of my thought and time in college than dating ever did. 

However, please do not get the impression that this book is overly serious. There is so much lightheartedness and humor to be had. Reading the Dear Wendy vs Dear Wanda account beef was so funny. I always love multimedia stories, so the inclusion of the Instagram posts and comments was such a fun way to show how the drama was spreading outside of Sophie and Jo’s circle, and just how big their fight was getting. Sophie and Jo both have some pretty snarky senses of humor, which lead to lots of actual laughing out loud on my part. Their lives are equally filled with schoolwork and shenanigans.

As one of a relatively smaller number of reviewers who can speak on it, I also feel like I do really have to commend Ann for so accurately capturing the Wellesley atmosphere. I need everyone to understand that is exactly what drama at Wellesley is like. And I love that it reflects how many of us feel: Wellesley is not a perfect place, it has a lot of things to improve on. But it is also a really special place that many people consider home. I certainly read this book at a time when I was really missing Wellesley, and getting to be immersed in the world of Dear Wendy for a few hours felt like being back at Wellesley with my own friends. 

Dear Wendy is a charming addition to the growing body of YA literature set in college, as well as the queer YA canon. The novel thoughtfully explores friendship, allonormativity, gender, and finding your passions. It is a perfect read for anyone who loves a coming of age story, and wishes there were more books that focused on the importance of friendship in our lives.